Your Day

Dear Mom,

I wanted you to know I’m thinking about you like I do every single day, but especially this week and today. Who knew last year would be my last mother’s day with you. We weren’t together on Mother’s day, but I remember you sent me a card because even though I wasn’t technically a mom yet I was expecting Evie. You were always so thoughtful and all of the cards you sent or gave me over the years will mean so much more to me now. I look back at them and study your handwriting on them to try and remember something as simple as how you held your pen, or how you wrote me notes, and signed all those bus passes when I was younger, and what your hands and fingers look like. You always tried to have me hold your hand even as I got into my twenties because you never wanted “your baby” to grow up and I remember being so embarrassed. You said it, someday I would wish I could do those things, and you’re absolutely right. Today I would give anything to proudly walk down the street holding your hand, getting one more moment close to you. I now know the feeling of never wanting “my baby” to grow up. I wish you were here to see it and experience it with me.

It is going to be a really difficult mother’s day this year. I’m so blessed and so thankful to have Evangeline. She really is a miracle and a blessing and the best thing to ever happen to us. She gives us all strength and reason to keep going. You would just laugh so hard at all of the silly things she does. I know you’re watching, but I really wish I could see you laughing at her. I know you would be so proud of all she’s learned so far. She’s really trying to learn how to walk though her legs are still pretty gumby-like, she’s completely mastered crawling and her speed amazes and terrifies me. She can clap, say “ma ma” and “da da” (though we don’t know if she associates da da with daddy just yet), and she’s eating real food now although her hand to mouth coordination needs some work. She gives hugs and kisses and the funniest thing of all is that she actually recognizes and knows “kitty”. All those weeks you spent teaching her the word kitty and now if we can’t get her attention we say kitty and she turns and looks at us or finds the nearest cat. I know beyond a doubt in this world that you taught her that. Jeremy of course rolls his eyes, which I know you would get a kick out of, but it’s a piece of you in her I just know it. She might not remember what it felt like to be in mom mom’s arms, but she will remember you and how proud you were of her and how much you loved and adored her.

I’m wishing you a happy mother’s day mom even though you aren’t here on this earth with me. I hope you know that the 27 years of unconditional love you showed me was not taken for granted and never will be forgotten. You continue to influence me every single day and your love continues to comfort me. I miss you more than words can ever begin to express. Please stay close to us and continue to send us signs of your presence in our lives. I know you are, and we know how you continue to touch us. (This last “sign” was a little over the top don’t you think??)

Happy Mother’s Day, mom. We may take a trip up to Lancaster on Sunday if the weather is nice to remember you because I know how much you loved it. We still want to spread some of your ashes up there, but may wait to do that on your birthday. Hoping for nice enough weather that we can make a trip for you and you can be with us there. Regardless of the weather I will definitely be visiting your grave this Sunday with Evie so I hope you’ll know we are there thinking of you and missing you.

Love,
Coral
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It’s been a while since my last post, but there is not a day that goes by that I’m not thankful for something. Today I’m so thankful to be a mom myself. It is the best thing I’ve ever done in my life and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. It’s a hard and thankless job but the rewards are amazing. If you are so fortunate to still have your mom in your life, please hug her tightly this Sunday and every single day. It’s unbelievable how life can change in a matter of hours and believe me you never want to live with all of the things you wish you had done differently. My mom deserved so much from us and I’d give anything for another day to show her how much she meant to us. Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there, may you have a beautiful day full of love and recognition for all that you do. We are all better people because of our mother’s love. I pray that I can spread my love and my mother’s love down to Evie.